Surrounded by people who had nothing but hatred toward me, I felt like an island in the midst of a crowd. The isolation I had created from my family and friends made it convenient for the hate to sip through from everyone as I had no one to run too. A young chap like me standing at the edge of the bridge waiting for the right time to suck in my last breath and plunge into the deep waters beneath the bridge. I could already imagine the wave from the water forcefully crashing my skull as my body splashed into the water; the bubbles escaping from my mouth as my nerves signaled to my nostrils and mouth to catch some clear air; the filling of my lungs with water as my mouth stole large gulps of water; the struggle my body will put up in order to save what was left of my soul; I could feel all of this while standing at the edge. This was it. No more struggle and no more pain
I called home hell because my home was the birth of the devil himself. People used to say that the devil was summoned into their home but in my case, the devil was born and resided in everyone that seemed to matter. I was born into a family who were worshipped from the outside. On the outside we were the perfect family. So much love and everyone wanted to be like our family.
My family consisted of myself, a mom and a dad. A mom and a dad because there was no way they could be my birth parents however unfortunately they were. Many times I wanted to run away but it was easy to ponder on but hard to achieve. What an irony. My nightmare started when I clocked 21 and became a full woman. To myself, I was ready to conquer the world; to my parents I was a pawn to aid them in their dirty laundry. Life wasn’t what I had expected; it wasn’t like what I had seen while watching American sitcoms and drama series; It was totally different. I learnt that reality and the virtual world were significantly different from each other.
Many times I spoke to my friends but they all thought I was crazy. NO. They were the crazy ones. No one seemed to understand what I was going through in my home. In fact to them, it was all normal. They would say to me “This happens to me all the time” while shrugging their shoulders. I was convinced that they were all crazy so I cut them out of my circle together with my family. And now I am here.
Deep breathe. I tell myself. You can do this.
I can do this.
The freedom after I plunge into my own self-created darkness will soon be a reality in a bit.
A leap of faith was all it took and it was all I took.
The distance between the edge of the bridge and the water seemed far but when I took the leap of faith, it seemed less than far. In less than 5 seconds, I hit the water and just as I had imagined it I felt the water cover my face and drag me to the path beneath
How is this possible? My goodness I could feel myself drowning while spitting out water and trying to gasp for air. My hands start to flutter like I was trying to reach for help above the water. I could hear giggles around me. What was happening?
My eyes open. And there was I, on my dormitory bed, surrounded by my three giggling dorm mates who were holding big buckets which I assumed were filled with water and my smirking parents who were standing at the corner watching the event unfold. I realized I had just been drenched with 3 huge buckets of water.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY SLEEPY HEAD”
I smiled. I knew I just had a dream that would never be a reality because I was surrounded by people who loved me dearly and that’s all that mattered. With my wet self, I decided to give everyone a big hug.